8 Things You Should Never Say to Your Husband

Interesting article via Yahoo Shine.

One of the best parts about marriage is being so comfortable with your hubby that you can say just about anything to him. But if you don’t watch your mouth, sometimes the ugly truth comes out in hurtful-not helpful–ways. Though you may have legitimate concerns to express or issues to bring up, doing so in a harsh manner can be damaging in the long term, to both your husband’s feelings and your relationship. According to Judy Ford, psychotherapist and author of Every Day Love, “Speaking kindly is a skill that couples have to learn. Everyone feels battered by life and the outside world. You shouldn’t feel that way at home.” Here, nine statements that you should never utter to your significant other–and the words that you should try instead.

1. “You’re just like your father.

“This is just a no-no,” says Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, speaker and author of The Pathway to Love. “It’s nasty and belittling, and it gets at his fear that he may be exhibiting the worst traits of his family.” If you’re about to spout a criticism like this, stop and think about what’s behind it: Maybe your father-in-law is the kind of guy who never cleans up after himself, and your husband’s habit of leaving dirty dishes around the house is getting to you. According to Ford, you should skip the insult and get right to a reasonable request, such as: “Hon, when you’re done with your sandwich, can you bring your dish over to the sink?” That way, you can achieve your goals without hurting him in the process. 

2. “When are you going to find a new job?”

First, figure out why you want him to find a new job so badly. Do you dislike how much time he spends away from home? Do you think he can or should be further ahead career-wise? Is he not bringing home a healthy-enough salary? “Before you say anything that could be hurtful to him, think about what your own issues are,” says Ford. Be particularly careful that you’re not attacking his ability to support you and the kids: “Part of how a man evaluates himself is by how well he can take care of his family,” says Ford, so insulting him in this sensitive area can be a serious blow. To avoid this, have regular talks about both of your jobs, career ambitions and budget concerns. If you have an issue with how much money he’s making, “it’s an opportunity to talk about your lifestyle and how you want to live,” she adds. The aim is to avoid putting him on the defensive, and instead work together to create the life you both want. 

3. “My mother warned me you’d do this!”

Something must have seriously infuriated you, because what you’re doing here is letting him know that there are others in your “camp.” “You are trying to validate your ‘side’ of an argument, as though you’re marshalling an army to your side,” says Orlov. But that’s never a good idea because it’s telling him that you’re not on his side, or on the side of your relationship. Though you should never let the opinions of others’ dictate your relationship, if there is some kernel of truth to a concern that your mother raised, think about how to address that. “Maybe your mother said ‘he’s too cheap,’” says Orlov. “Say to him, ‘why do you sometimes seem reluctant to spend money on things we need?’” Without ganging up on him, that could open up a discussion about money worries that stem from his childhood, for example. “Room is now cleared for creative problem-solving,” says Orlov. And if you’re just lashing out? Hold your tongue and focus on the root of what’s making you mad. In the end, coming to a solution together will make you feel better than unleashing hurtful words. 

4. “Just leave it–I’ll do it myself!

This is hurtful in two ways. First, it gets at your husband’s elemental need to be a provider, supporter and capable person in the house. Second, it’s just plain demeaning for any adult to hear that his efforts are sub-par. Do this too often and your husband might think, “I can never do anything right or anything that’ll please her,” says Ford. A better choice is to pick your battles. If he’s in the middle of a task and you think that he’s doing it wrong, evaluate whether it really matters, keeping in mind that, just because he’s doing something differently than you would doesn’t mean that he’s doing it wrong-he is, after all, an adult too. Sure, if he’s about to hurt himself or someone else or break something, kindly step in. But if he’s just loading the dishwasher in a way that drives you nuts? Let it be. 

5. “You always… [fill in the blank]” or “You never… [fill in the blank]“

“These are two phrases I advise couples never to use,” says Ford, “because they set up an instant, negative tone; they halt communication and they put the other person on the defensive.” These blanket statements can make your husband feel unfairly attacked, and chances are he’ll just fire back with all the times he did help. If there are legitimate problems you’d like to address (he really does tend to leave his tools all over the garage floor or often forgets to put gas in the car after driving it), avoid generalizing and try to focus on the issue at hand while also communicating how his actions make you feel: “When you come home with an empty tank of gas, I feel like you don’t care about the next person who has to drive the car-which is usually me.” Then add the phrase “would you be willing…,” suggests Ford. Try: “Would you be willing to fill up the car when it gets below a quarter tank?” Most men are willing to do most anything that’ll make you happy–it’s all in how you ask. 

6. “Do you really think those pants are flattering?”

Are you trying to hint that he’s putting on weight? Because saying the above, says Ford, is not getting anything concrete across. You may think that you’re subtly conveying the message, but instead you’re insulting his looks without showing any genuine concern for his health. Instead, start with something you like about how he looks: “When you wear that blue shirt, it really makes me appreciate your gorgeous blue eyes.” Then broach the topic of his weight gain by framing the comment so it’s about his health, not looks: “Honey, what do you think about us both starting after-dinner walks?” When you’ve softened up your approach, you have more room to make other, helpful suggestions. 

7. “Ugh, we’re hanging out with him again?

There’s nothing wrong with your guy having a friend whose company you don’t love-no one says spouses are required to adore each other’s friends, especially that one college pal who likes to pretend he and your hubby never left the frat house. What is wrong is insulting your man’s choice of friends. Your disdain may also suggest that you’d prefer to pick his friends for him-and no one wants to be told who they should be pals with. A better choice: “Oh, honey, you know I don’t always enjoy doing the same things as you and George, so why don’t you plan a guys’ night instead?’” suggests Ford. Remember, there’s no marriage rule that says you two have to do everything together; he might actually be relieved to have a little guy time with his pal that doesn’t involve him having to worry if you’re having fun or are offended by his friend’s jokes. (And keep this in mind: If a friend is really awful, your husband is much more likely to see that on his own, over time, whereas if you nag him to drop the dolt it may never happen.)

8. “Please watch the kids. But don’t do this, take them here or forget that…”

This is a classic nervous-new-mom move: When you’re in anxiety mode, it can be hard to let go of childcare tasks (even though you would love to have more help). It’s also an attitude that can become a habit no matter how long you’ve been a mom, leading to some very unhealthy feelings: You may become resentful because he doesn’t pitch in, but you don’t always give him room to, either. At the end of the day, no husband is going to be inspired to be a better, more hands-on and involved dad if his every effort is shot down, says Orlov. “If he always feels like he’s wrong, he’ll only start to disconnect emotionally.” So let Dad be Dad. Trust that he knows as well as you do how to keep a child clean, safe and fed-even if his definitions of those tasks are slightly different than your own. That said, if there are things he needs to know, like how to use the stroller or what the pediatrician’s phone number is, definitely give him the rundown. 

Diet To Go

De fiecare data cand ne hotaram sa tinem o dieta, se gasesc cateva motive pentru care suntem nevoiti sa renuntam la planurile noastre de slabire sau mentinere in forma. Printre aceste lucruri care ne impiedica sa ne punem in aplicare planurile se numara: lipsa timpului necesar pregatirii alimentatiei potrivite sau diete cu prea multe detalii greu de urmarit si inteles. De ceva timp, insa chiar si aceste argumente sunt doar “scuze” pentru ca exista o firma de catering care “livreaza diete”.

Este vorba despre “Diet To Go”, un concept care porneste de la diete consacrate. Astfel, cei de la Diet To Go, nu se rezuma doar la a recomanda modalitati miraculoase de slabire ci merg mai departe livrand meniuri create pe baza unor diete deja incercate de sute de persoane si care dau rezultate reale. Aveti de ales intre: dieta vegetarian de post, dieta ovo-lacto-vegetariana, dieta “usor de tinut” (bazata pe principiile Scarsdale), dieta de 13 zile (bazata pe principiile dietei de schimbare a metabolismului), dieta de mentinere (bazata pe principiile dietei Montignac).

Livrarile se fac de 2 ori pe zi pentru cele 3 mese iar plata se face online cu cardul, in plus puteti comanda si un “tester” pentru a va convinge de calitatea si gustul preparatelor. Gasiti mai multe detalii despre Diet To Go, consultand website-ul: www.diettogo.ro.

Via StiuUnLoc

5 deserturi pe care sa le incerci macar o data in viata

Prajituri, placinte, creme, inghetate, torturi sau gogosi – se pare ca in absolut toate tarile exista o cultura a dulciurilor si a prepararii acestora. Retetele au depasit de multa vreme granitele tarilor in care au fost pentru prima data produse dar, pentru un impatimit al gastronomiei sau al savoarei unice a unui desert original, un gust autentic nu se poate savura decat acolo de unde provine desertul in cauza. Unde altfel ai putea simti mai bine gustul unei placinte cu branza decat in Moldova? Unde te-ai putea delecta cu torturi de inghetata mai bune decat in Sicilia si unde ai putea gusta eclere mai desavarsite decat in Franta? Plecand de la acest principiu, va prezentam o lista a celor mai apreciate si mai gustoase prajituri, in acceptiunea noastra, de pe glob, o lista pe care o puteti completa cu delicatesele pe care, probabil, le-ati incercat in calatoriile voastre in jurul lumii…

Tiramisu – Italia

Cu siguranta ca majoritatea celor care citesc acest articol au incercat macar o data in viata gustul unei delicioase prajituri Tiramisu. Dar, la fel de adevarat este si faptul ca nicaieri savoarea acestui desert spectaculos nu este aceeasi cu aceea pe care o obtin maestri cofetari din Toscana, locul de origine al acestei prajituri. Se spune ca atunci cand gusti un Tiramisu toscanez ai, pur si simplu, senzatia ca te afli in Rai. Nici nu este de mirare, daca luam in calcul faptul ca dintre ingredientele acestuia nu lipsesc sortimente de branza italiana (celebra Mascarpone) si crema Zabaglione. Tot in Toscana, cei care pregatesc acest deliciu culinar vor folosi numai si numai piscoturi (asa numitele savoiardi) facute dupa reteta locala. Adaugati la acestea si frisca, zaharul, vinul Marsala (inlocuit in alte regiuni cu esenta de rom sau de brandy), cafeau si praful de cacao si veti obtine, poate, unul dintre cele mai apreciate deserturi din lume.

Se spune ca Tiramisu ar fi un desert servit de sute de ani, desi nu exista niciun document istoric despre Tiramisu mai devreme de anul… 1971! In fapt, mai multe surse o indica pe Francesca Valori, nepoata unui renumit bucatar italian, Roberto Linguanotto, drept inventatoare a delicioasei prajituri. Bunicul sau ar fi botezat desertul cu numele de Tiramisu, acesta fiind numele de fata al Francescai. Chiar si asa, originile sale sunt inca destul de contestate. Cert este, insa, ca Tiramisu este o prajitura pe placul absolut oricui, dovada stand adoptarea sa de majoritatea restaurantelor lumii.

Baclava – Turcia, Grecia

Pe cat de gustos, pe atat de controversat este desertul pe care astazi il asociem cu bucataria traditionala greceasca. Da, am mentionat corect greceasca, pentru ca disputa dintre istoricii turci si cei greci nu pare sa isi gaseasca o finalitate prea curand. Daca grecii sustin ca baclavaua este o inventie antica elena, dovada stand Deipnosophistae (lucrare din secolul al III-lea d.Hr. apartinand literaturul grec Athenaeus, in care apare mentionat desertul koptoplakous, o forma straveche a baclavalei), turcii afirma ca in lucrarea respectiva este vorba, de fapt, de halva, iar baclavaua a aparut initial, in Evul Mediu, in zona orasului Gaziantep, pentru ca apoi sa fie preluata ca unul dintre deserturile preferate ale sultanilor de la Palatul Topkapi. Noi o sa dam credit istoricilor turci, mai ales ca o traditie a monarhilor otomani, inca din secolul al XV-lea, numita Baclava Alayi, impunea ca in fiecare sarbatoare sfanta de Ramadan, sultanul sa prezinte ienicerilor tavi cu baclava, aceasta fiind si cea mai veche mentiune clara a deliciosului desert.

Baclavaua este, practic, o prajitura formata din straturi suprapuse de aluat, in care a fost presarat din belsug miez pisat de fistic sau nuca. La acestea se adauga si zahar, miere de albine si scortisoara pentru ca, la final, cand prajitura a fost rumenita la cuptor, peste toate sa se adauge o portie consistenta de sirop sau de apa de trandafiri. Rezultatul este fabulos… dovand stand aria larga de raspandire a acestui desert. Astazi, baclavaua este pregatita, cu variatiuni ce depind de fiecare zona geografica, din China si pana in Statele Unite ale Americii, putini fiind cei care pot rezista tentatiei de a incerca macar o bucata din acest preparat absolut delicios.

Creme Brulee – Franta

Originea deserturilor celebre s-a pierdut in negura timpului, pentru titlul de inventator al acestora luptandu-se, in prezent, mai multe tari decat ne-am imagina. Daca pentru paternitatea baclavalei se lupta Grecia si Turcia, ba chiar si Iranul, pentru crearea celebrei Creme Brulee se ciondanesc istorici atat din Franta si Anglia, cat si din provincia spaniola Catalunia. Dar fie ca se numeste Creme Brulle, Burnt Cream sau Crema Catalana, acest desert este, pe cat de usor de preparat, pe atat de gustos si de apreciat in orice colt al lumii. Noi ne vom opri asupra sortimentului frantuzesc, poate cel mai gustos dintre toate…

Pentru cei mai putin initiati in tainele bucatariei si ale prepararii dulciurilor, creme brulee poate fi definita ca o varianta nobila a cremei de zahar ars, in compozitia ei intrand, practic, aceleasi ingrediente: oua, lapte, zahar ars si, in unele variante, esenta de vanilie sau coaja de portocala. Si, pentru ca, trebuie sa recunoastem, francezii sunt poate cei mai buni bucatari ai lumii, in reteta lor mai este inclus si rozmarinul, uneori ciocolata, cafeaua, lichioruri de fructe sau, pur si simplu, bucati de fructe. Secretul acestui spectaculos desert este stratul superior de zahar ars, caramelizat, al carui gust a fost catalogat de-a dreptul divin. Poate ca nu ar trebui sa ne mire ca reteta in cauza era servita, cu precadere, capetelor incoronate si familiilor nobiliare din Franta si Anglia inca din secolul al XVII-lea.

Sachertorte – Austria

Despre Sachertorte se poate spune, fara a exagera, ca este o mandrie a bucatariei vieneze si unul dintre cele mai faimoase deserturi din lume. De altfel, de aproape 180 de ani, Sachertorte este considerata cea mai buna prajitura de ciocolata creata vreodata. Povestea sa pare rupta dintr-un roman, si este pe cat de romantica pe atat de spectaculoasa. Se spune ca, in anul 1832, ministrul afacerilor externe austriac, printul Metternich, avand de organizat o cina la care participau invitati de rang inalt din toata Europa, ar fi cerut bucatarilor regali sa pregateasca un desert cum nu s-a mai facut vreodata, replica sa celebra ramanand de atunci in istorie: Dass er mir aber keine Schand’ macht, heut’ Abend! (Nu ma faceti sa ma simt rusinat in seara asta!).

Ca a vrut sa evite un dezastru sau chiar patise ceva, maestrul bucatar al casei regale a sustinut ca este bolnav si ca nu poate prepara ceea ce i s-a cerut. Dificila sarcina a cazut atunci pe umerii unui tanar ajutor de bucatar, de numai 16 ani, austriacul de origine evreiasca, Franz Sacher. Iar rezultatul a fost peste asteptarile celor prezenti la importanta reuniune… prajitura de ciocolata care de atunci ii poarta numele. Fiul lui Sacher, Eduard, a preluat reteta si, dupa ani de studii de specialitate, a creat celebrul tort asa cum il cunoastem si astazi.

Trebuie spus ca un Sachertorte original nu poate fi achizionat decat din Viena sau Salzburg, locuri in care se afla hoteluri Sacher, create chiar de Eduard Sacher. De asemenea, variatiuni ale delicioasei prajituri pot fi gasite si in Innsbruck si Graz in cafenelele Sacher.

O prajitura Sachertorte este alcatuita din straturi dense, nu foarte dulci, de pesmet fin sau chec de ciocolata, cu unul sau doua straturi de gem de caise in interior, totul acoperit cu o glazura consistenta si uniforma de ciocolata. In compozitie mai intra si miez de nuca si, uneori, coacaze sau martipan, iar daca vreti ca desertul sa fie ca la carte, cereti ca prajitura sa fie asortata cu multa frisca. Evident, nu va imaginati ca familia Sacher a dezvaluit toate ingredientele acestei retete unice, astfel ca originalul vienez este intotdeauna mai gustos decat variantele adoptate de celelalte restaurante si cofetarii ale lumii.

Churros – Spania

Uneori mai sunt numiti si gogosi spaniole, si asta pentru ca in compozitia lor intra cam aceleasi ingrediente pe care le gasim si in gogosile clasice, mai precis apa, faina, unt si oua. Diferenta este ca aceasta specialitate originara din tara lui Cervantes are forma unor baghete care se rup in bucati dupa preferinta fiecarui consumator. Unele variante de churros includ si cartofi. Se spune ca sunt ideali atunci cand sunt serviti alaturi de o ceasca de ciocolata calda sau atunci cand sunt stropiti din belsug cu ciocolata.

Au fost rapid adoptati de catre popoarele din America Latina, la fel de bine cum au prins si la publicul din Franta, Portugalia, Australia, Maroc sau Statele Unite. Evident, fiecare cultura adoptiva si-a pus amprenta asupra retetei originale, adaptand-o propriilor traditii culinare. Astfel, spre exemplu, in Uruguay, churros au fost umpluti cu branza topita, in Cuba cu fructe, in timp ce in Mexic li s-a adaugat vanilie. Atat de mare a fost succesul gogosilor spaniole incat in aproape toata lumea au aparut restaurante cu franciza, care produc delicioasele baghete spiralate. De mentionat ca spaniolii din sudul si estul tarii prefera churros fara niciun pic de zahar, acestia fiind convinsi ca reteta originala nu includea si acest ingredient, pe care il considera incompatibil cu gustul deosebit al desertului lor traditional.

Via Descopera.ro

Stuff Frequent Travelers Wish We Knew

Un articol foarte amuzant de aici.

Over the shouts of, “Shoes off! Laptops out! No liquids!” from our TSA buddies, you can sometimes hear the under-breath rants of disgruntled travelers admonishing the woman with a ginormous tube of self-tanner or the gentleman with three pockets full of pennies and two belts. And while their looks of scorn remind us about the bottle of Aquafina roaming around in our own laptop case, it’s hard not to commiserate. Because for every easy whoosh through the frequent traveler lane, there’s a poor fellow stuck behind the family of eleven, each carrying fully-loaded Sponge Bob backpacks.

I think I’ve collectively spent months of my life on an airplane, but on a recent journey to New Jersey I came across about every passenger misstep in the book (whilst rudely eating my garlic-laden pizza amongst hungry fellow travelers). So in honor of the average frequent traveler – the one whose miles get them a free drink but not a first class upgrade – here’s a list of gate-to-gate guidelines every newbie should know to make a three-leg journey through O’Hare feel a little more like a non-stop to San Diego.

1)      Moving walkway standers must yield to walkers who must yield to those with rolling briefcases who must yield to children going the wrong way.

2)      TSA totally gets that your hula-hooped sized earrings didn’t set off the metal detectors in Denver – just take them off anyways.

3)      If you’re hogging the charging station with your laptop, iPad, and Blackberry, where am I supposed to plug in my lava lamp and hair dryer?

4)      Fish weren’t meant to fly. Unless you’ve brought enough to share with the group, we politely ask you to surrender your sushi or tuna melt at the gate. Better yet, trade them in for an olfactory-friendly Cinnabon.

5)      Asking me to give up my aisle seat so you can sit with your buddy is like offering to trade me Baltic Ave for my hotel on Boardwalk.

6)      To avoid four hours of chit chat about how Continental’s peanuts beat United’s, the hierarchy of don’t-talk-to-me props goes: book, then headphones, then fake sleep. If you’re reading Sky Mall, you’re fair game.

7)      If you feel you’re being watched, please confirm: your seat assignment, the volume on your MP3 player, or that you’re not completing someone else’s Sudoku – in that order.

8)      That big blue cushion behind your head is completely, unarguably, 100% your territory. Feel free to jiggle it, shake it, and fall all over it when you get up to use the lavatory. But that big blue cushion in front of you? Hands off.

9)      Airplane lavatories are the scary back alley of an airplane that we only dare visit under extreme duress. Let’s keep the “graffiti” off the toilet seat.

10)   Getting a window-seater to the lavatory is like an awkwardly choreographed tango. No drink service for you.

11)   It may be called a carousel, but busting through the crowded plane to be front and center for your big red bag won’t get you off the ride any faster.

12)   When the plane finally lands after a long, turbulent journey, applaud. It makes people happy.

While even the well-traveled will accidentally board when their row hasn’t been called or nearly leave with someone else’s black-bag-with-blue-ribbon, there are always opportunities to make the skies a little friendlier. Although following my no-sushi rule is definitely a difficult commitment.

Kama ce? @ HotCity

Exista pe HotCity o rubrica, pe numele ei Kama Ce? care contine cele mai savuroase aritcole despre pozitii sexuale.

Pink Poodle spune asa:

Orice site de femei care se respecta are o rubrica despre pozitii sexuale. Nu de alta dar atunci cand esti in valtoarea pasiunii trebuie sa stii unde te afli: esti misionara sau lingurita? Pentru ca si noi vrem sa promovam claritatea in pat am zis ca trebuie sa facem o rubrica cu pozitii. Din pacate, sau din fericire, nu ne-a iesit prea serioasa rubrica, ne tot bufnea rasul. Speram insa ca voi veti trata cu toata seriozitataea aceasta chestiune. Cu sexul nu e de ras. E de plans.

Eu va invit sa o cititi.